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Saturday, June 28, 2014

one more time around

I'm giving myself one more cycle. Then I'm calling it quits. 
No one warns you how hard trying to conceive is, especially your first.
I'm actually envious of people who have had miscarriages because at least they know they CAN get pregnant.
As of now I don't believe I can. 
Its been a year and a half for us, which is a really long time for me to try for something.
Many people might think I'm giving up too soon but I can't handle the emotional breakdowns every month. 
Month after Month. 
It is devastating for me. I cry often because I feel like I'll never know what its like to have my own child.

There was this instance that happened to me on Friday.. I'm at work in the checkout line and this woman is buying a few things with her two kids. The kids were maybe around 7 and 10? They kept bringing things to the counter, as kids do, and kept asking the mom if they could buy something. They were apparently stressing out the mom and she looks at me and says 
"You don't have kids yet. You don't have to deal with all this."

I was a little shocked actually. They were just being kids. My response had I not been working would've been this:
'I would do anything to have that "problem" of yours'

It really bothers me lately when people say things like that. Or when they say anybody want to take one of my kids? They must not realize how lucky they are.

One day I'll have kids. They just won't come from me.

This is me giving it one more chance. Then I'm calling it.